Battlefield

Spin, spin
I see you spinning
round and round about me

Closer still,
I can feel you pressing
attempting to smother me
with thoughts foreign yet familiar.

Screaming, shouting
roars from every corner
overwhelming the ears
blocking me out:
i can't hear through it all

Silence falls;
His name is spoken
and my spirit bows
to its One True King.
His victory is won
and you are powerless

So scream and spin,
shout and smother;
He will still win.
My heart may weep,
my eyes be cast down,
But I am still His
and the fire is still yours.

Preface

I do not write without a choice,
or that i am compelled.

I do not right from man's desire;
to make the ego swell.

I do not write for future fortune;
for Mammon's twisted schemes.

I do not write to cling to comfort
amidst the waking dreams.

I write for who I was last year;
for who I am today.

I write for what the Lord has shown me,
to in that vision stay.

And so, I write of past and present,
of future still, and yet,

Today I write, for He's commanded
that i must not forget.

Harlequin (Bondage)

Smiling is easy

Smiling takes very few muscles

So smile for them all

with every muscle in your face

Smile so they won't think to look

for the scars on your wrists and legs,

the razor in your purse

Smile so the won't bother to ask

when was the last time you ate

the last time you threw up

Smile so they won't know how much you hate the mirror

and the girl it holds

Dancing is simple, too

Right foot, left hand

One-step, two-step

Move the arms, move the legs

in rythm with the gossamer chains

Dance around the subject

Dance around the problem

Motion is all they're looking for

Dance for them to see

I will show you how.

Smile and dance

my little harlequin

Let me help you play the game

I can tug the strings and i can pull the lines

Force the smile, work the rythm

you know you should

it's what they're expecting of you

Happiness, Contentment

Perfection

You know you can't live up to that

my little pet

so let me help you fool them all

Smile so they won't suspect

Dance so they won't look

even if that's what you really want

Wear your porcelain grin

and dance your lonely waltz, my poppet

I will be here, whispering

always

CONTINUE? BOOYA!! YES!!!

The potery continues!!!!! Yaaaayyy for God's gift of the written and spoken words!!! and the written and spoken Word too. in fact that one is better, but i still like the gift He gives me in poetry. I also love how He's given me a class (creative writing II) that gives me a grade for writing poetry for Him. I know its been a while since i posted poetry, but ive been writing all the same. and im on route now to publishing my poetry alongside short, memoirish excerpts of my testimony (if i can ever get that one finished). There are some poems coming about pain, some about bondage, and a whole lot about Jesus and His amaizing merciful powerful wonderful just beautiful awesomeness!!!! PRAISE JESUS FOR HE ALONE IS GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To anyone who might actually be a fan of my poetry

it's editing time! im not sure if any of you know this, but the poems you see posted here are pure poetic vomit, with a few exceptions. there was little editing involved, just pure zach spilling onto a page. Now some things are going to change, some majorly, some minorly. and yes, i know that majorly and minorly are probably not words, but i dont care. im a poet and this is my blog, so im allowed to make up words! Although strangely enough, the ones im changing the most havent made it here, yet, so i guess im just writing this for the sake of writing something cause i do so enjoy writing. None of them will be re-posted, unless someone wants me to, to compare and contrast. i was simply planning on changing them, using this as the only warning any of you will ever get, but oh well, im babbling now. anyway, hello poetry! here comes the editing scalpel!

Demoniac (revised)

They speak with razors,
aiming to flense,
hungrily seeking fresh meat.
Their words fly into the evening,
flying yet bound
to that wooden porch
of the Kansas camp,
barred from escaping
into the woods.

They twist her voice,
already brackish from
the nicotine of decades,
into a feral growl.
A violent animal
in a corner;
an animal
in a cage of Blood.

The Calvary advances,
warriors armed to the teeth,
shields burning golden in the perverse darkness,
rendering the creatures' blades useless;
their breastplates shining as the dawn,
breaking through the despairing cold;
wielding swords to demolish fortresses.
The army moves to war.

The watchmen utter;

the darkness convulses in the night.
The warriors advance,
the horn is sounded,
and the battle begins,
for the Bride has gone to war.

Logos(revised)

object:book

cover:hardback

page count: 2248 with appendices

page 3: Voice shatters silence,

the formless congeals,

hardens, transforms.

light and dark

are oil and water in the sky,

each to its place.

The seas pulls away from land

as sheets pull from the bed.

Life begins with a simple Word,

and it is good.

page 432: His enemies are trampled

underfoot.

the belly of the earth is ripped asunder;

He rends the fortresses

as tissue paper.

the blood of thousands

waters the earth;

poured out by a donkey's jawbone.

page 1713: the Word was with Him before,

the Word was with Him

and the Word became flesh.

He mended the bleeding,

opened up sight to those without,

restored the withered limbs,

was destroyed by man,

so the Word could

destroy the grave,

rebuild the Temple,

undo His enemy.

page 2059: the Word returns in power;

the Sword of His Tongue

flensing and tearing

the dragon to nothingness.

His robes made scarlet

by its blood

and all proclaim

"Worthy is the Lamb who was slain!"

object: Savior

name:Logos, the Word made flesh.

Random Muse #2

Waiting is not my favorite thing to do. most people who know me know this. But lately im finding that waiting is all that i can do. I mean, I know that i cannot function without the Spirit, and i try not to walk outside of His promptings, but He likes giving me things that i can't do ANYTHING with on my own. It's like, "Here zach, feel this. I'm not going to tell you why right now, but there is a reason." and i'm like "uh...okay" its not like i can truly say no. But what to do when you're discerning things for the first time; what to do when you're feeling something with almost complete understanding of everything about it ASIDE from what to do with it? The only thing left to do is wait, and ask God what He's doing. I don't know why found it surprising that the main reason i had no idea what was going on was because i never asked Him. I feel like i relearn old lessons again, cause something small just slips out in the midst of the chaos and the Lord wants to remind me. Sometimes it feels like the only way i'll get to understand these things is if i run and jump out there and make mistakes, which i would rather not have to make (once again, those of you who know me know this). but there's also a strange peace that comes with waiting on Him. a peace that's like "I know what You've shown me, and went where You sent me, and did what You told me to do. I got nothing else." It's liberating when the standard is lowered from being superman to being someone who simply does what is commanded of him. am i making sense here? i know I'm kinda rambling, but this is a blog, so deal with it.

Words from a Heart on the Battlefield

voices in the dark,

calling, crying,

condemning.

"Why do you even try?"

"You know you don't really want this."

"If you did, things would be different."

"You'd be doing something"

"Wouldn't you?"

The enemy's barrage of barbed arrows

piercing, rending,

aimed at the sorest of spots,

the ones that have bled

many times before.

"He doesn't even really care about you."

"They don't even know you, do they."

"If they did, they would understand."

"Things would be different."

Thousands of voices,

screaming, taunting

echoing, mocking

piercing through my heart.

but through them all

a Voice is heard

quiet, but steady

calm, but firm.

"you are My child,"

"and I love you."

"I made you"

"with great thought and care"

"you are mine"

"and mine alone."

"why would you want anything different?"

Words of Love,

the Voice of Love,

cleansing water over wounds,

igniting fire in my heart.

the Face of Perfect Love,

casting out all fear
strengthening my hands to work,

my feet to move.

my eyes fixed upon

this Brilliant Love,

all else fades before

the brilliant glory.

My mind and heart

now echoing

with a simple yet beautiful truth:

I am His, and He is mine,

and I wouldn't ask for anything different.

ready (revised)

What is "ready"?

Is it having the materials together?
Understanding how things work,
or the internal depths of the soul?
Is it knowing where you came from
or where youre going?
Is it having a plan,
Or a roadmap to the end?
When are we ready?

Are we ready now?
The call has been sounded,

a call to arms.
Our eyes have been opened,
our spirits revived.

Our lives redeemed,

citizenship trasnferred.

We are at war,

whether we like it or not.

whether we acknowledge it or not.

When are we ready

To fight

and reclaim?

Perhaps when we stop asking that stupid question,

take what He's given us,

take His weapons

and take the field,

and let ourselves be ready.

I don't know what to call this so I'm just gonna run with it.

In our society, we as people tend to fight tooth and nail every day for our share. to make sure that we don't get lost in obscurity and that we receive all that we deserve/want/need/whatever else floats your boat here. We do this by making ourselves the center of attention, at any time by any means. whether its by being hosptiable, being smart, being caring, or being the best at something (all examples from my life) we never cease striving to make sure that others see we are there and that we are good enough, that we deserve something: love, affection, time, money, blessings, etc... So there is a whole generation out there, having been taught to grab the bull by the horns, to take the pearl at any cost, even if its from somone else's oyster, and to make sure that THEY are happy, who are desparately trying to make themselves known.

But the opposite is the only thing that works. When I finally fell down, realized that I had nothing, was nothing without Christ, i finally was able to see and recieve what He had been storing up for me. Working at His pace, not mine. saying "what am i ready for You to show me" instead of "Show me everything You've got". Realizing that I can't accomplish anything by my hands, so trying to get something done is entirely fruitless. Realizing that knowledge without revelation of the Spirit is empty words, and passion without the Spirit's wisdom is recklessness. That i dont need to accomplish something the Lord has already done for me. i must simply obey Him and be there when He calls. That is pretty much all I am responsible for. Suddenly my job is less complicated, and i can finally rest. I like resting.

Nothing

Nothing

is what i know.

Nothing

is what i can do.

Nothing

is all that i have.

Nothing

is all that i can bring to You.

Nothing

is all that i am without You.

Nothing

is what You want to hide from me.

Nothing

is the ill-will You hold for me.

Nothing

is the harm You will allow to befall me.

Nothing

is what i should worry about.

Nothing

is what i should fear.

Nothing

is what i have to sweat for.

So why do i try in myself at all,

when Nothing

is where i'll get without You?

New Eyes, New Ears

New eyes, new ears

new perceptions to perceive

new thoughts

new feelings

new desire, new passion

new thirst for the Lord,

the Ancient of Days,

seen with new eyes.

Old fears, old doubts

old attacks on new life.

old tactics turned on a new warrior.

old contempt for the enemy

flames to new life

new perceptions attacked by old fears

new passions plagued by old doubts

but new truth shines through,

and a new day dawns.

Just a thought

What would it be like if the body of Christ stopped trying to be godly people and just let themselves be what God made them? I mean, I understand that we all have bondage that prevents that and we fight the battle for our minds daily to pick up our cross, say no to sin and yes to Christ, but still. i wasted so much time trying to be compassionate, trying to be pastoral, trying to find something to teach. the moment i stopped trying to be who God made me and just let myself be His creation, His sheep, His beloved child, my heart began to swell and weep for the world, i began to understand what it truly means to shepherd a flock, and i finally had a lesson. i didnt just have one, i couldnt keep myself from bringing it to the table. I was finally able to write again and the words just poured out of me. I cant really begin to describe it. but it only happened once i stopped trying to be what I already was. What would happen if the whole body, the church, the bride of Christ, decided to stop acting like the things they're not, ceased striving to become what they already are, and let God be who He is and reflect Himslef through them in the way they were made to?

Just for the record

Jesus is awesome. That's all. i just needed to say it. There you go.

Confessions of a Sheep (revised)

Confessions of a Sheep

I crawl through the valley.

The shadows dance

about me like rats.

The thunder sounds

the lightning crashes,

freeing fanged faces into light.

A storm is coming

I've had enough.

I want to go back.

My old field wasn't that bad.

Its grass was poor,

its shade was scarce,

and its waters were brackish,

but at least it wasn't this:

cold shadows, hungry snickers,

furious flashes against

the callous crevice.

The pasture on the other side

can't be worth all of this.

Can it?

I turn to run,

and see Him there,

my Shepherd.

A soft rebuke

from mahogany eyes,

reminds me that

He is there.

"No." His whisper

silences the chaos.

"We're not going back".

He faces the skies

with confident gaze.

He knows this place;

that the darkness is brief

the storm is passing,

and the hungry grins

cannot touch me

while He is here.

He wouldn't have brought me otherwise,

or my brother, and sister, before me,

if where we're going wasn't worth it;

if we weren't going to make it

to the green, lush pastures

Beside the quiet, pure waters.

the shade beneath

the mighty oaks and graceful willows,

before the majestic mountains.

He knows the way,

and He knows I'm afraid.

and now I remember:

that He won't let me fall,

that when I can't go on any longer,

He will carry me Himself,

With strong arms and stout legs.

He has done it before.

How could I have forgotten?

That I am safe with Him?

That His staff is my comfort,

and His rod my joy?

That He is my Shepherd,

and I am in want for nothing?

Lacrimo Mundus

one day

God said to me,

"Come and see

what I have to show you.

Come and see

your heart."

He showed me a place

a vast expanse

jagged and cold

the ground with open chasms,

gaping wounds in the earth.

as i bit back tears,

He said, "Come and see."

He brought me to a river

clean and pure,

its waters refreshing and cool,

pouring forth from beyond

cleasnsing the ground,

the land becoming lush,

the chasms now

lakes and streams

of the healing water.

then He said

"Come and see

what I have to show you.

Come and see

the world around you."

and He showed me.

children afraid to go to school,

afraid to go home,

whose fathers remind them

of bruises and booze,

whose mothers are cold and distant.

where husband and wife despise one another

and destroy the child in their spite

i saw the tenderhearted spurned

for their kindness

the leaders chastised

for their strength

the creative cursed

for their art

and the practical burned

for their efficiency.

as bitter tears rent

my heart,

He said to me,

"Now, come and see

what I truly want to show you.

Come and see

the whole world."

the hearts of few

became many to my eyes.

hundereds

to thousands

to billions

sons and daughters

raped and beaten

brothers and sisters

neglected and starved

fathers and mothers

dying

their hearts becoming stone

before having a chance to beat.

A whole world

afraid, crying, wounded

drowing in their sea

of tears and blood

crying out

to be delivered

my Lord is silent

as His tears fall,

each one tearing at His face

each one filled with pain and sorrow.

A deluge of greif.

He looks at me

with His tear stained eyes,

glorious and majestic in their suffering

and says "Go

spread the news to the affilcted

bind up the broken hearts

set the captives free

release the prisoners

greive for those who mourn

proclaim the year of My favor

and the day of My vengence."

so i gather

my sword and sheild.

i don my armor and

take to the field

where the battle rages below.

i was afraid to fight before,

but for the tears of my Father,

the tears of the hurting

the tears of the world

i will

Wow....

My first day back online and... wow, what a realization. There are areas of my life, old messages from old freinds and as i read their messages, God like... He doesnt shout it at me, but its a voice, not still or small, but quiet and firm, Like He's going to say it once and he's not going to raise His voice... saying cleary "that part of your life is no over." Which is funny cause i just got done writing to a friend who didnt know that i was fasting from the internet, saying how God brings seasons of our lives to an ende and brings us into new seasons. i told her not to mourn but rejoice, but at this time i couldnt help crying. Must be that mercy thing. But now more than ever i am aware of how God has been moving me and i think im getting glimpses of where i might be going, but thats not for me to say, or even to completely know... yet.

I'm Back!

Hey everybody!

My fast is now broken, and it has been an eye opener! Just to see just how often both television and the internet can be used by the devil and how much my life revovled around them. Praise Jesus for revelation and transformation!!!!!!

so anyway, for anyone just starting to read this, as most of you probably are, here i am going to publish some of my thoughts, ideas, opinions, questions and poetry. it wouldnty be me if i left that last one out. so enjoy and God bless!

NOTICE

I will be abstaining from the Internet for the entire month of June, so you wont hear from me till then. of course, if i dont figure out how to get y'all to subscribe by then, none of you will know, will you?

Random musing #1? or is this truly random? idk :)

i have no idea what this means to anyone reading this, but it is floating around the front of my head, so here goes. is anyone else grateful that the rabbit hole goes on longer than the deer path? it sounds strange but it lightens my heart to know that i will never acheive a point where i know EVERYTHING about God. He's always revealing Himself to me in ways that i never thought He could before. not only in His word, but also through my iniquities. that brings me to the deer path. He never lets me run too far in my own direction, or maybe thats just me being exhausted from running, but still i am grateful that the depths of His nature, His love and His...self stretches out infintely past my own. and that is a comforting thought. im not really sure why.